For additional and older writings, or to join in on the conversation in the comments, you can view my Fetlife writing index here.
❤ Free Kink Exploration & Negotiation Tools
- The Emotional S/m Feelings Wheel
- The Personal Pain Response Decoder
- What's Your Dark Dynamic Archetype? (Interactive Personality Quiz)
Educational and Informational
Educational: BDSM Play - General
- The Risk Profile: an alternative measure for safety and comfort in play
- You should reevaluate your risk profile.
- Ten Ways to Research Risk in Kink
- Scene Practicalities from the Bottom: a case study
- The Kool Aid Man-Sized Hole: pre-planning for unintentional consent violations
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Educational: Play - Masochism and Pain
- Good vs. Bad Pain (for safety and as a pain processing tool)
- Changing Your Relationship With Pain
- Making a Masochist: Coda to 'Changing Your Relationship with Pain'
- So you want to DECREASE your pain tolerance
- Tool: The Personal Pain Response Decoder
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Educational: Play - Emotional S/m (Degradation, Humiliation, Fear Play, etc.)
ESM:
- Questions and Considerations for Bottoming to Degradation Play
- How to Communicate About Your Degradation Kink + the ESM Feeling Wheel!
- When it comes to emotional S&M, safewords don't really work.
- Set and Setting in Emotional S/m
- A Primer to Playing with Shame
- Feeling Ranges, or: A Field Guide to Feeling Authentically Degraded by Someone Who Doesn't Think Poorly of You
Fear:
- Fear Responses in BDSM: Risks, mitigation, and/or use in escalation
- Playing Against Type: Aiming for Fear Responses Outside of Your Default
- What Horror Movies Teach Us About Fear Play
- How do you play with fear if you don’t know what scares you/them?
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Educational: Play - Consensual Nonconsent (CNC)
- Avoiding Long-Term Trauma from CNC + Traumatic Play: a research-optimized framework for aftercare
- Don't Threaten Me with a Good Time: how to say you want to not want it
- The CNC Paradox: Why Consensual Nonconsent Stops Feeling Real (and 10 Things You Can Do About It)
- How do you make sure it isn't too real? A conversation on CNC with -chickenlittle-
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Educational: Body; Kink with Disability / Chronic Illness
- Tips for Kinking with Chronic Illness
- My considerations for play re hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (hEDS)
- Four Things You're Getting (Kind Of) Wrong About Stretching
- We SHOULD talk about fitness and bottoming--but we need to do it better.
- The idea that consent must be enthusiastic is a privileged take on the world. (No, this isn't a CNC post.)
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Educational: Relationships and Roles
- What You Must Know About Yourself Before Pursuing a Power Exchange
- A guide to submissive-initiated protocol
- So you've found yourself in a long distance relationship: what worked for me on the right side of the slash (Better version of the below writing, updated in response to the COVID-19 Pandemic experience)
- Long Distance Relationships: lessening the suck
- Thoughts on Fighting Codependency in Kink
- The Subservient Little
- What Age or Experience Level Does a Dark Dynamic Require?
- Tool: the Dark Dynamics Archetype Quiz
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Unhealthy vs Healthy TPE and Dark Dynamics: a series
- START HERE: Rules of Engagement, Context, and Definitions
- Part II: What makes for a healthy/unhealthy TPE (according to me and others)
- Part III: Questions to ask yourself to tell if your dark dynamic or TPE is unhealthy or not
- Part IV: You know someone whose dynamic seems unhealthy, or yours is and you want to stay. Now what?
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Research Series
For additional and older writings, or to join in on the conversation in the comments, you can view my Fetlife writing index here.