hi! I'm vahavta.

When I joined the kink scene a decade ago, I immediately felt a bit... out of place. I was being taught that "your kink is not my kink but your kink's okay" — while also being told that the kind of relationship I'd always desired wasn't acceptable at all. Well, I'm no brat, but I do push back hard on things that matter to me. So I kept on pushing, and now I write (a lot), teach classes, and speak on bottoming for consensual non-consent (CNC) and edge play, collaboratively building power exchange dynamics (even the darker ones that take extra considerations), and evaluating kink risks (while choosing to take them). I speak from both experience and research, working to create the resources that I wish I had a decade ago.

This also includes info about the intersection of BDSM and certain disabilities (mine, in particular). With Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and other invisible disorders, it's even more important to understand how kink practices might need to be modified with physical limitations — and trust me, with a bit of strategy and communication, you can still play just as hard as you want.

My goal is to enable other bottoms, submissives, and s-types to understand kink safety risks and mitigation strategies for themselves so you can give more fully-informed consent (and more fully vet those you play with), to be honest about the psychological realities of this journey so you can articulate your needs with confidence and clarity, and to empower you to go after exactly what you want.

Today, I am married to my Owner and live in a 24/7 CNC-based no-safeword dynamic, as I have for the last 8ish years (yes, really; no, it's not fully safe; no, neither is any other kink, no, this doesn't mean I don't speak up (at all); yes, I'm still in one piece and am wildly, gloriously happy). I believe all good relationships, kink or otherwise, are those that are built with intention. I love suffering in the darkest crevices of my secrets, piling new books on my nightstand, naps, spooky poetry, and my dog.