1) Classes
The move online has made kink education more accessible, more frequent, and higher quality—you’re no longer limited to the resources in your local area, and therefore more able to hear from experts. It’s wild how many topics you can find if you look for them! If you aren’t sure where to find classes relevant to you and don’t know what specifically you want to search for, start clicking on any that show up in your feed and go to the event host’s profile and check “events organizing”—more than likely, you’ll find a list of other upcoming classes soon! Start following these venues and you’ll build up a good list before long. In particular, @WickedGrounds, @TES-NYC, and @PragmaticKink have been hosting a bunch, and that barely scratches the surface.
2) Fetlife groups
The “groups” feature can be overwhelming and you’ll need to use your best judgment on who’s a valid source, but there’s an amazing wealth of resources available with knowledgeable people you can ask questions to. Some Fetlife groups that I think are particularly educational include Heavy Sadomasochism Technical and Rope Incident Reports. As shameless of a plug as this is, I also run the Risk Evaluation Database (RED) as a Fetlife group (though it now is also in non-group form right on this website) to make it easier for people to research risks.
3) Webinars and Podcasts
Similar to classes, these options you can access on your own time. Kink.com/KinkAcademy is one popular option, as is Shibari Study. I’m truthfully not up-to-date on the kink podcast scene, but I’d love you to recommend your favorite in the comments of the Fetlife version of this post!
4) Learning-by-doing/labbing
Working alongside knowledgeable friends or partners in non-charged, controlled contexts (read: not scenes) can be a great way to explore how something should feel, what your own personal danger signs might be, and the things you want to be sure your partner is aware of. Many are familiar with this sort of learning in the form of Rope Bite and other rope labbing, but you can lab out anything at all in kink—and both tops and bottoms will know more about what they’re doing for trying.
5) Conventions
Keeping your own health limits in mind, conventions are an excellent place to find a combination of all of this. You’ll be able to attend classes, try things out alongside others, and have discussions with strangers who can share their experiences with you.
6) Non-kink professionals, &
7) Vanilla scholarly research
Kink is, inherently, a limited playing field. Searching for valid, reliable, academic research on a particular kink’s risks may not be as possible as searching for something adjacent. You may not have local kink educators in the hands-on skill you want to know more about the risks of, but you may have someone else who’d know even more. I’ve personally found you can learn a lot that’s relevant to kink from tattoo artists and SCUBA and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu practitioners, in particular. And of course, your friends in the medical field (thank them extra). One friend notes this method:
If it’s mental, and not physical, I will look for actual medical journals on the subject. (ie: trigger play. We started with trauma theory, and worked backwards to “risk of inadvertent exposure” to “risk of nonconsensual intentional exposure” to “retraumatization by partner”.)
8) Speak to those who have bottomed for it
Though participating in a kink is no guarantee of having expertise of it, someone who has bottomed for something may have a good grasp of what did and did not feel risky to them, what they saw as possible danger areas, and what they’d want tops who are doing that thing to know. Both parties certainly assume some amount of risk in any kink context, but as the typical “receiver” of more kink actions than not, bottoms hold specialized knowledge here that can be a good complement to the research you’ve done.
9) Post on kinky social media and ask!
I’ve garnered amazing amounts of info simply by posting statuses that ask for the risks of an activity, or any other question for that matter! People are generally happy to share what they know, and it often introduces you to other people on Fet who saw your status or writing in their feed because of a commenter they know, widening your general knowledge base. And finally…
10) Connecting with and being open to good people
Best said by my friend @sinsational, “Creating an environment where I felt I could ask someone to teach me about something I was curious to do or see.” Project an openness and curiosity, and people will be more likely to share their knowledge with you for free. Share what you know when you can, and you’ll create a safer environment for everyone. Create a community where you can discuss openly if anyone knows anyone with your particular disability who has tried that particular kink, or where you can ask other tops if they’ve ever done x thing and how they prevent y happening to their bottom. It’s cheesy, but it’s true—you get what you put in. When it comes to learning about safety, a community can be everything.