“Are you going to fucking cry?
“Ha. Pathetic.
“Well, do what you have to, failure. We are going to watch this show, and I’m not stopping it to have some deep conversation about how you’re not really that worthless or anything like that; I trust you can figure that out yourself.
“So cry if you’re going to. But keep it the fuck down.”
Him: *comes home from work*
Me: Yay! You’re here! I missed You! I Love You!
Him: I Love you too, little thing. *punches me in the stomach*
Me: *likely an oof noise*
Him: Well, you were asking for it.
Me: I wasn’t…
Him: *punches me in the stomach two more times*
Him: I don’t know why you’d show me that if you didn’t want me to think it looked fun, dumbass.
Me: I have terrible self-preservation skills.
Him: No, you don’t.
Me: …I don’t?
Him: No. You know I’m not going to kill you. Just make you wish I would.