I see the words “when I realized that Love is infinite, I became poly” or some iteration of that come up from time to time. It isn’t quite as bad as “poly is more enlightened/evolved”] and I don’t think it is even meant as a negative statement on mono people most of the time—but sometimes it feels like it.
My Love too, is infinite. And I too am on a journey to access all of it.
Polyamory was something only in my peripheral vision before I was in kink. I think my relationships in this world are better because I tried and learned it wasn’t for me. It has allowed me to realize how individually relationships must be constructed, how even the categories of ‘monogamy’ and ‘polyamory’ are inexact to say the least. Everything is built from the ground up. What do we share with each other? Which experiences do we want to make together or apart? What is quality time, and how much do we need? What do we think it means to be Owned, to submit? Where do our journeys intersect?
My Love is infinite. My Love is the universe. My Love is the big bang—world-starting, constantly expanding. It grows to make room for me. It means different things. My Love is expressed towards existence, towards myself, towards my Owner, my God, my many soulmates in this world and my Love, like the universe, is beautiful and complicated and terrifying.
My Love is infinite. Love is infinite. I am grateful. I feel it growing all the time. Like God, it is beyond the capacity of human understanding. Every day I am in awe, shocked it is still possible for me to Love my Owner, myself, my friends more. Amazing, how it reflects what it is given, both the mirrors and the shattered glass. Worship, transcendence, muchness, glory, I can barely put a name to it. It is overwhelming, incandescent, and it will consume me for as long as I exist.
And my Love is also energy, and while it is infinite, my human capacity for energy is not. Nor is my time. So I have to allocate it, see where it fills me most. If I am to give my time to it–and I do not know what else I could give it to—I want to put it in the places it grows the fastest so that I can have more and more and more. I want to feel the personal kind, the companionship kind, the romantic kind, the earth kind, I want to feel so much. Everyone, everything I can Love feeds that Love in some way. In this lifetime, this journey, this experiment, I have found my happiness best served by placing the romantic part here. When I see the Love–which is to say the infinity—in His eyes, the Love I arguably never believed in before Him, I know my own grows strongest by His side. And so there will never be enough time by His side.
Love is a wide open space, a forest of oak trees. I learned that by meeting this one person, and every day I know it more. This boundless wonder, this limitless grace; Love is the place with many paths. And my body being this body, my heart being this heart—why wouldn’t I choose the one that I am most fit to tread?
Love is infinite. How lucky we are to get to choose how we get there.