When I talk to masochists who want to up their pain processing, one of the places I start is: why? Why are you doing this? Why do you want to do it more?
When you examine your answers, maybe you find that you’re actually not someone that needs to “take more pain” to go where you want to go. Maybe you uncover information that your partner(s) can use to help guide you through difficult moments. Or maybe you find something that easily gives way to a mantra, a tone-setting ritual, or some other way of grounding yourself in the experience.
Or maybe it’s just interesting to think about every now and again.
Anyway, it’s a question people struggle with. As do I. My answer as to “why do you like pain?” is generally something like “I just do.” And true, some of us just have those crossed wires. But really, we don’t think too much about why we like what we like in life. It’s no different than if someone asks a gamer why they like video games. Probably, a lot would reply “I just do.”
In actuality, there’s research as to why (that I think my Owner actually participated in lol?) and it turns out there are individual, differentiated reasons for it. And funnily enough, I think many of them might mirror reasons why people enjoy pain. Now, these won’t necessarily encompass all of yours, and you’re almost certainly a combination of some, and they certainly can apply to other roles, and other asterisk-based statements here — but I think it’s a good place to start.
I’ve listed them below, with each description a real sentence from the article I found listing them with just a few words changed to fit our purposes. They’re just excerpts, so I recommend the original article if you’re interested in the gamer side of things. (Note: this isn’t the official research results—which I know exist somewhere—but it’s the source I used.)
Why people play video games–or with pain:
Competency / Measurable Progress
People like to progress. It feels great to work hard on something and see positive results. Some forms of pain are harder for some to tolerate than others – high level of difficulty to become masterful. However, trying those same forms of pain also helps beginners get involved by giving them positive reinforcement for the little good things they do. They get rewards the more they play. And the more they play, the more masterful they become.
Novelty
Novelty or variety keeps life interesting, fun, and engaging.
Building Relationships
Playing with others is a bonding experience. You feel closer to the people you play with because you share a common goal.
Relaxation
When the world around us is busy, chaotic, and stressful, immersing yourself in a captivating, relaxing or not-so-relaxing scene is nice.
Escapism
When it feels we can’t control our lives, jumping into a contained world is relieving. Maybe we are trying to get away from school or work problems. Or you don’t feel you have direction in your life. Whatever the case, escaping into a scene can relieve situational problems.
Internal Exploration
Play allows you to take on any identity you want. You can be a confident, strong warrior in a scene but feel timid and weak in real-life. Play can give you the space to be yourself and explore different personalities in a safe environment. This gives players comfort in being able to freely explore thoughts and feelings they might not feel comfortable doing anywhere else.
I’d imagine most of us fit somewhere here to some degree. Even if it’s entirely service for you, that’s building relationships, and even if it’s something that you feel “I don’t know, it just feels good”—okay. I’ll stop analyzing. We like what we like.
And of course, there’s the final one, and the most important: games are fun! Play is supposed to be fun too. Don’t let yourself lose that in the pursuit of more whatever. We like what we like—whyever we like it. Sometimes, that’s enough.