Why do I talk about chronic pain and illness (and other stuff) so much on a kink site? IDK, because we’re very in touch with our bodies here. Because I’m vulnerable about other things. Because it somehow feels less attention-seeking than it would on my vanilla social media. Because the fact I bruise well and easily is likely related to my chronic illness and i’d like folks to stop glorifying it (sometimes.) Because you all understand the particular difficulties of having bodily limitations when your identity is connected to a sexual relationship, service, and the like. Because it’s real and it’s a thing that changed my life forever and I didn’t know for so long that it isn’t normal to be in pain every day and maybe other people will seek help if they do.
What am I looking for when I post about it? Really nothing. I just have to say things sometimes. I get words in my fingers, and you get the result. I endlessly appreciate the support and love you all show me, and tales of solidarity that make me feel less alone, and knowing who has been through what that I can ask for advice (when i want to and am ready.)
What I don’t appreciate at all is when people who don’t intimately know my situation tell me what I should try next. This is my body. I am the one living in it. Why do people think someone in daily debilitating pain is not exhaustively trying everything they can think of to stop it? It’s been suggested. I’ve tried it. This includes but is not limited to mindfulness, CBD, chiropractic care, yoga, physical therapy, changing my pillow, the oils your MLM just happens to sell, and fucking “positive thinking.” You aren’t giving me a revolutionary approach. I don’t need your holistic solution that I have definitely tried while waiting for doctors to believe me. I need a better healthcare system.
I get that people think they’re being helpful with their suggestions, but what it is actually saying to me is “I, a person on the internet, know your body and what will help it in a way you don’t.” It’s saying “I don’t believe you’ve tried hard enough to deal with this.” Right? Because letmetellyou, whatever you’re about to suggest has come up on one of the hundreds of nights I’ve sat in the bathroom crying at 3 am, googling my diagnoses and symptoms out to thirty pages of search results. I’ve tried. I promise. (If you think that paragraph was about you specifically, it wasn’t. You’re one of many, many, many people on the internet.)
As mentioned before, I’m not looking for anything. I just wanna complain, y’know? I do like knowing who I can talk to, and I also like being able to control that myself. Today someone messaged me “Let me know if you’d be interested in hearing about my struggles and successes with my chronic back pain.” Someone else who I complained to replied “Would you like my thoughts?” These things are nice and helpful and they tell me that people trust me to ask for and pursue what I need. Sending me your random advice does not.
ok, that’s the end of the rant. bye.