Not a damn thing. (In life, probably, but this is about kink. Duh.)
I get asked about my protocol from time to time. The GPS tracking thing comes up a lot. For some people, that’s abuse — where you go is private; what if you needed to escape? And sure, I’ll give you the name of the app He uses to do it, but that doesn’t mean you’ll like it. My dear friend in California has a security camera in her room. I’d do it if He wanted, but meh. Seems like a bit much. It’s certainly not for everyone. (However, if you’re both into it and you’ve talked about it, it’s not abuse.)
Some people go to multiple events a week. I did often when I entered the scene. I’m outgoing, and I like watching and being watched, and I wanted to meet people in the context of other people. There are a lot of people who don’t, though, who may not even be on Fetlife. Meeting at events is *less* comfortable for them. They don’t care about any vetting but their own, and they don’t feel like they need to have other eyes on them when playing. They meet privately the first time. It’s certainly not for everyone. (However, if you’re both into it and you’ve talked about it, it doesn’t make you a predator.)
I don’t use safewords. Decided I couldn’t enjoy kink if I did. I’m also TPE and monogamous (and hence don’t do pick-up play), and I also don’t go into a kind of subspace where I can’t communicate. Maybe if these things weren’t true, I would use them. Maybe not. We’ve reevaluated whether this is right for us and always decide it is. I need to know there’s no way out, and He needs that absolute trust. It means I’m responsible for being totally open about my emotional and physical state. It’s certainly not for everyone. (However, if you’re both into it and you’ve talked about it, it’s not unsafe.)
Some people like race play, or age play, or dressing up like animals and making animal sounds. Some people like simulating their heads being chopped off with guillotines and some people like getting consnesually kidnapped or having their homes broken into. Some people like rope. Some people like being made to drink a lot of alcohol. Some of these would cause a breakdown and complete lack of trust for other people. It’s certainly not for everyone. (However, if you’re both into it and you’ve talked about it, it doesn’t make you problematic or a pervert.)
I’m monogamous. I tried doing things another way. I serve better when not with another. I can’t trust Love is really Love when it’s shared. On the other hand, some of my friends could never be monogamous. They can’t feel fulfilled and they wouldn’t be living in an honest way. They’d find the relationship style which makes me most vibrant and giving partner I can be to be stifling and boring. It’s certainly not for everyone. (However, if you’re both into it and you’ve talked about it, it’s not less enlightened or toxic.)
Some people don’t like aftercare. Some people don’t like to give it. Some people want to be brought cookies and some people want to be left alone and some of us want to be threatened instead. Some people can’t get out of their topspace like that, and are going to be at their most sadistic selves the rest of the night. Some people would find playing with those other people traumatic. It’s certainly not for everyone. (However, if you’re both into it and you’ve talked about it, it doesn’t make you uncaring.)
Some people like having different girls over each weekend. They do horrific things to all of them and fuck them without condoms and don’t necessarily keep in touch. They don’t really care if there is feeling involved; they’re just there to get and give some jollies. Others might see this as gross or emotionally removed or a popularity move. It’s certainly not for everyone. (However, if you’re both (all) into it and you’ve talked about it, it doesn’t make you a player.)
I’m sure you’re getting this by now.
There’s no one true way. So we all say. Hearing it and knowing it doesn’t necessarily mean we apply it to our judgements of others or ourselves. We’ve all come to this crazy kink world because some of the things we want are not what others would call normal. In doing that, we’ve set a lot of our own norms.
Nope. Do what you please. If everyone’s on board with it, and if everyone’s risk aware, fuck ’em. Fuck the community, fuck the rules, and fuck what your last boyfriend said about you. Fuck ’em.
However, if you put that camera in without telling someone then you might be crossing a line, and if you take the condom off without telling every single person you’re sleeping with (including the one you took it off with) you might be a criminal, and if you are only being monogamous in order to make it harder for your partner to leave you might be an abuser, and if you stick a rubber chicken up your partner’s butt when they didn’t previously know that was one of your kinks, you might be an ass-hat.
Or maybe you’re not. Maybe that’s cool in your relationship(s).
Not for me to say.